I would be remiss, even irresponsible if I did not include Zsadist on a blog of delicious bad boys! Zsadist appears in my top five…definitely, one of the more intriguing, loved, and delectable bad boy of the PNR genre. His reputation precedes him, illustrated by his huge fan base, fangirls adore him; a profound example of the psycho who transforms, who evolves. Lover Awakened is his story…
Lover Awakened
(BDB #3)
by J.R. Ward
Zsadist’s life is a tale of torment, brutality, and unadulterated angst. He is the archetypical infant twin; kidnapped, sold into slavery, imprisoned, humiliated, degraded sexually and physically! The Mistress, beguiled by Zsadist’s sexual allure, succumbs to her perverse vulgarity; consequently, Zsadist suffers unspeakable cruelty. His spirit, crushed, dominated with self-loathing; he internalizes this nightmare, and defines himself as dirty and worthless, a debased being.
Meanwhile...
“Fate gave to man the courage of endurance” –Beethoven
Phury searches endlessly for his twin brother and finds Zsadist mired in desperate and desolate conditions. A daring, extremely dangerous rescue ensues that results with Phury losing a portion of his right leg. Amazingly, the twins survive! Distressed, disturbed beyond measure, Phury cannot fathom the misery, the hell his brother suffered. He vows that in the future, he will protect Zsadist; help Zsadist forget the horror, the pain, the heinous acts. Phury becomes the caretaker and enabler. He monitors, keeps a close watch, and accepts responsibility for Zsadist’s miscreant behavior. Ambivalent, Phury remains optimistic that Zsadist can heal, and eventually, will learn to love himself, learn to value his life, and evolve into ”a man of worth”. The dichotomous twin brothers; one noble, tolerant, yet guilt-ridden; the other, savage, hostile, and virulent.
Regrettably, Zsadist (Z) still bears the evidence of barbarity. His back bears the scars from countless whippings; his neck and wrists bears the tattooed blood-slave bands; and his face bears the horrific scar that deforms him. Zsadist’s physical appearance is monstrous and he acts accordingly. In Dark Lover, he purposely intimidates and threatens Beth. This is his MO. He emits danger, and aggression, which induces fear, especially from females, for their terror motivates and energizes him. “He was known for his misogyny...hell, he was feared for it”. (p.4) As a warrior, he is fearless, impetuous, and ferocious. Even though his brother warriors acknowledge, respect and value his intensity and aggression, they keep a safe distance. Z is volatile! Unpredictable!
In Lover Eternal, Zsadist meets Bella...well, more accurately...he bullies and thoroughly frightens her! However, Bella is completely mesmerized, attracted to this infamous warrior! She thinks of him constantly. WTH? Actually, it’s her infatuation, her obsession with Zsadist that helps her survive her kidnapping and the subsequent horrors imposed by the lesser, O. She knows instinctively that Zsadist will rescue her. He will save her. “She thought of his vicious, uncompromising will and all of his high-test hatred...But that was what would have made him such a good savior.
Zsadist and Bella is an explosive, somewhat neurotic couple. They understand brutality; cruelty and can empathize with each other’s pain. In many ways, Zsadist and Bella is each other’s best advocate, albeit, for Zsadist, a reluctant one. He rescues her, attends her through recovery, and serves her through her needing. She loves him, but can he reciprocate without first loving himself? “I'm not broken, I'm ruined. Do you understand the difference? With broken maybe you can fix things. Ruined? All you can do is wait to bury me. (Zsadist)”
And Bella... is irresistible! We first meet her in Lover Eternal as Mary’s “friendly neighborhood vampire," who aptly guides Mary through the intricate maze of the world of the brotherhood warriors. Courageous, determined, persistent, and patient, Bella gently “opens” Zsadist; unfurls his layers of self-degradation, trepidation; adeptly eases him out of his comfort zone, and makes him confront his sexual fears. Despite his indecisiveness, his offensive behavior, and outright callousness, Bella continues to love him.
“I love you. (Bella)
Z squeezed his eyes shut. “Don’t be a tragedy, Bella (Zsadist)”.
Do I like Zsadist?
Well...he certainly frustrates me. He angers me. He frightens me. He surprises me. He even makes me laugh! (Don’t tell him!) Zsadist is another tortured anti-hero, a tragic victim, filled with anger, hostility, and emotional turmoil. Zsadist cannot accept that anything worthwhile or anything amazingly wonderful will ever happen to him. He believes the bad boy mantra, “She deserves better. I am not worthy” (Wicked Crazy!)
Lover Awakened touches, besieges my emotions as I suffer with Z, share his angst, all the while, understanding his arduous and punishing journey toward redemption, the push/pull factor… Nevertheless, I rejoice as he overcomes, grows, matures, and transforms into “a male of worth”.
Overall, a great emotional read!
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