Dear Vishous

Lover Unleashed
(Black Dagger Brotherhood #9)

by J.R. Ward

Dear Vishous:

First let me fan girl a bit. I just can’t get enough of you! Sarcastic, seductive, enigmatic, reserved, controlled, dangerous, you make geekdom…downright sexy! You are ELF…intelligent, “Hott," handsome, protective, and formidable. As with dark chocolate…succulent with textures of deep richness, I relish, savor your taste, your deep rich complex layers, sensual and dangerous. 

But Wait!…You totally ignore, you actually dismiss the adulation and hero worship! And… that is what makes you even more attractive and alluring! (Hey, how does gorgeous genius sound?)

Kudos on your ability to speak 16 languages, to solve any puzzle, mystery or intellectual challenge as well as being the ultimate uber techno geek! (Mr. Technology!) I instinctively knew there was more to you than the overt hostility, the bitter aggression that you display, used to warn others to FO, or suffer the dire consequences. This defense shield keeps everyone at a far distance; a buffer against stupid questions or puerile conversations. Yet, you are fiercely attentive, devoted, and loyal to your brother warriors and their loved ones, for they are your family. 

The depth of your courage amazes me! The courage you needed and used… to survive the most terrifying horrific experiences of the Bloodletter’s camp…you suffered the abuse, the brutal partial castration, violent and savage… the branding tattoos…at the behest of your sadistic Father!  To  survive, you…disconnected; used your weapons of self-discipline, intellect, wit, and ferocity to discredit your feelings, emotions, the complete absurdity. And..yet, to expunge the nightmare, the maltreatment, you buried the heinous memories, the terror, and fears; used the power… to control… yourself, and everything around you. I ached for you!  I ached for what you would not acknowledge; for what you would not allow…

“These books and this episode were just one footprint along an endless trail that would be well trodden. The realization made all V’s pain go away. Just like that. For him, there was no utility in emotional connection, only an eventual agony when it was crushed. So he would no longer feel.”

And there’s Butch! OMG! There are no words; your relationship, undefinable, yet, he’s such an indelible part of you, a soul mate. Desperate and unstable, you turn to Butch, for he will know what you need to alleviate the edginess, initiated by Payne’s dire condition; he will help you face the abysmal terror, Butch forces you relive, to reenter the bowels of the chasm replete with unthinkable torment, mutilation, and hatred…

And You Explode… 

 Screaming, bellowing, roaring from the depths, the crevices of your soul; a tumultuous uproar, the resounding cries…

Then…the epiphany!

“He hurt me…My father hurt me…Why did he do it to me… Why did my mother? Vishous screamed for all he had lost…screamed for the half male he was…screamed for Jane…screamed for who his parents were and what he wished for his sister…screamed for what he had forced his best friend to do…He screamed and screamed…No past or present. Not even himself anymore. And in the midst of the chaos, in the strangest way, he became free.” 

 The screams, the cries, became a cleansing; a catharsis.The healing begins…you began the gradual ascent… out of the abyss…to openly embrace your emotions and feelings, to live completely, to fully engage with others; to be empathetic and supportive. Once again, you find courage… to trust, to open yourself… to be safe. Finally! You are loved, accepted, and adored!

“And the instant she [Payne] laid eyes upon Vishous, she knew something had changed within him…The inside of him was different: Gone were the tension and anger and the frightening coldness.”

Showing emotions is difficult, if not impossible, for you; yet, you’ve accepted Payne, your sister…accepted her love, and her choices… her decision to  be a female warrior, to fight alongside the brothers….You’ve  accepted Manny, her love…recognized him as a male of worth for Payne, a superb surgeon, your brother (in-law).  

No, the journey is not over. As with all of us, you are a work-in-progress…learning, growing, and transforming…

My hope and deepest desire is that you continue to evolve… 

Sincerely,

An ardent, wicked crazy fan girl